"One can never consent to creep when one feels an impulse to soar."
-Hellen Keller

I believe all of this with my entire heart. In a world so rapid it is imperative to find your place, identity, niche, if you will. I cannot say that thus far in my fifteen years and eleven months that I have been independent from my mother that I have found my purpose fully or my identity the way that I will later on down the road.

Something in me always wants to try something new; to explore. I often wonder the mentality behind my stubborn-like personality. If someone tells me I can't, I am determined to show them that I can. If someone tells me no, I want to somehow justify that to a yes. I both respect and observe authority, yet something in me always finds a point to wrestle with. Even if it is a silent battle, there is a battle between what I am told to do and what I could be doing. Sometimes I know that I am correct in my thinking and therefore should follow my own heart, but unfortunately a commandment forbids me from doing so.

So, I continue to replay the spoken words, facial expressions, hand gestures, and other movements made during the tense conversation that just dares me to prove something. It's like a broken record, but not in the bondage sense-more in the pensive sense.

By this point my thinking is not even creating real sentences or complete thoughts; it is just shooting out random bits and pieces of what it is trying to say. It's like sneezing and only catching half of the snot in the Kleenex. (I know how completely gross that analogy is.)

Frustrating. I know that my brain, my God is trying to tell me something but I just can't seem to grasp the entire concept; just the gist.

In conclusion, I basically feel like my life is algebra. Enjoyable, mysterious, classy, confusing, understandable, not legible. I have reached a crossroads, and I get to choose which way I will go.