06.08.08. perseverance

I was uploading all my pictures into a new program when I found this picture saved on my computer. It caught my attention. To me, the reasons why seem obvious, but the more that I think about it, the more that I realize all the reasons, even to me, may be partially hidden.

Perseverance is something that keeps going, never gives up, forever runs, always climbs. This picture says, "The difference between a successful person and other is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but rather a lack of will."

I like that. I like what it says, what it speaks, and I like how it says it. I like the picture, too. It says something too me in the deep parts of my heart. It's something that can't be described through words, but more something acquired by simply looking.

Our camp verse last summer was found in Hebrews chapter 12 verse 11. It says:
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us."

That verse continually reminds me of what certain things "require" and all the things that I cannot be. Perseverance, I have realized, is not made of the continual pressing on towards a goal, but more pressing towards God, letting him grow with me, and letting him constitute all the areas in which I fall short. Perseverance is continually trusting God for the things that I cannot do on my own.

The dictionary defined the word "perseverance" as steady persistence in a course of action, a purpose, a state, etc., esp. in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement or continuance in a state of grace to the end, leading to eternal salvation. Those definitions grasp everything that I feel I am trying to describe. In the end though, it is always the thesaurus that grabs my attention and makes me realizes different things that I wouldn't have noticed otherwise. It's like a scavenger hunt.

On that note: perseverance, continuance, dedication, determination, diligence, drive, endurance, grit, insistence, patience, persistence, resolution, spunk, stamina, steadfastness, tenacity.

...I am for once at a loss for words. I really have no closing statement. It all makes sense and is resolved in my mind, but these thoughts don't seem like they can come alive through typing words on a document. Think through it.

06.01.08

welcome summer.

today, I messed with the word "fellowship".
today, I looked at a calendar.
it included an excerpt from the Purpose Driven life that said, "Experiencing life together. The word fellowship has lost most of its biblical meaning. "Fellowship" now usually refers to casual conversation, socializing, food, and fun...Real fellowship is experiencing life together."

today, I wonder what my "fellowship calendar", so to speak, looks like. Yes, I spend good, great, fun time with friends and family, but did I really engage life? Did I make my friends a deep part of my life? Did I let them into my heart, and did I search for theirs?

life is tough. to state the obvious, not all parts of life are easy, and there are just some of those "phases" or "seasons", as the are so commonly referred to. But, do I change the way I live despite circumstances/seasons/the weather? Am I supposed to?

On vacation (of all the places...), I wrote in my journal, a lot. But one thing in specific.
"...I am a world-shaker. I cover distances. I am here for the long haul...My God is eternal. He is not full of sinful temporaries. He gives me infinity, and beyond."

There are something about words that are written without the intention of public viewing that are inexpressibly brilliant. No, no, no. My words are not brilliant, they aren't anything special, but the intent of them was so purely to try and describe how upside-down, inverted, and shaken my world is; this is a good thing. For me, it is impossible to get bored with life, situations, yes, but not life. Life is full of curve balls.

As I watch people, I realize the people that I consider world-shakers in my life fully encompass fellowship in all possible directions. They know people. They chase people. They are real people. World-shakers live among me, who woulda thought?! The more I thought, the more that I am now realizing the characteristic of theirs I want to emulate.

I love being around people who when I talk to them, I feel as if I am the center of the universe: I have their full attention and every fiber in their body, even if they aren't really interested in what I am saying. I know one woman in particular, an exceptional lady, who I would love to be able to become something like her in my later years, or even now. Daisy. I love this woman; she genuinely cares about me and what is going on in my life; I am important to her.

"Please Interrupt"
Sometimes I feel like an interruption,
and then I want to shrink back into my shell
and never come out again
I want to walk away and say,
"sorry for wasting your time".

Being an interruption hurts.
It tells me
something is more important than I am.
It tells me
you are looking,
but don't see me.
It tells me
you are listening
but don't hear me.
And so I move along.

But, God says
"Don't hurry away.
Stick around.
Tell me how it is with you.
Tell me what you're feeling right this minute.
Tell me why you feel that way.
I want to know you.
I care about you.
Tell me what I can do for you."

And, I go away feeling I was glad that I called.

-Ruth Senter